The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco. +Mark Twain

I’m sure you are well aware of the crazy cold Bay Area weather. Sure, it’s not New York or the Tundra, but it’s pretty damned cold here almost all year round. After four years of chilly days and nights, I’ve learned about the magic of layering and the beauty of warm hats and scarves.

Cut to my recent visit to Los Angeles. I love the warm holidays down south because it reminds me just how cold it can get at home. A chilly 45 degree evening in LA is the norm for a typical day in the Bay Area. In LA, it’s the end of the world. People freak the fuck out about how cold it is. I mean: big scarves, Ski jackets, Down coats, poofy hats, the whole shebang. I really had to try not to laugh in people’s faces. It is NOT that cold.

The overwhelmingly obvious fashion trend is the Ugg boots paired with short shorts or mini skirts. Seriously, if it’s cold enough to put on Ugg boots, then it’s cold enough to wear pants. Get a clue people.

I can’t imagine compromising one’s warmth just to keep up with a fashion trend. That foot of uncovered flesh between the boot-top and the end of the skirt doesn’t stand a chance against wind, snow, rain, sleet or even a “Jesus Christ it’s fucking cold” LA evening. Plus which, the Ugg boot isn’t exactly a pair of Prada loafers. Why make the sacrifice?

I must be honest, I own a pair of Ugg slipper shoes. I wear them to get the paper in the morning, to get coffee at the local Peet's or maybe to take out the trash. I don’t own a skirt and I don’t think I’ve worn a pair of shorts in 4 years, but if I did, you better be sure that I’d take full advantage of my flip flops because they’ve been collecting dust in the back of my closet.

Good lord, when did I turn into an elitist Bay Area Ugg boot hater? I'm currently bundled under a huge down comforter, a very thick quilt, armed with thermal PJs and surrounded by cats and my ladyfriend's pooch. There is no way a miniskirt and Ugg boots would make a lick of a difference on this cold January evening.